My uncle's body was cremated on Saturday. A part of me still doesn't believe it though, just because he was always so alive. He was always laughing, always smiling, and always joking. The only things that prove the reality of it all are the pain in my dad and Mommy Luming's eyes. I see it everytime my dad makes phone calls to break the news, and I see just how hard it is for him to say "my brother is dead." Mommy Luming has the same struggle. I don't think she expected her son to go on before her. And its obvious how much it hurts that they can't be physically there to say their good-byes. I wish there was something I can do.

But all I can do is think. I think about all the little details that when combined sum up all the feelings I have for this person. I think about vague memories from my childhood, how my brother, sister and I would sleep over at his house. We would always play hide and go seek in the dark then later pile in his bed with my cousins. I think about the last time I was in his house, over 8 years ago, when my mom, sister, and I went to the Philippines for my cousin's wedding. He would take us out to eat and shop. I think about how he used to come over here with his family to visit almost every year. And each time he would always bring us little gifts. I think about how he would always ask me "Is that your boyfriend over there? Bring him over here, introduce me. I want to talk to him," and I would cringe. I think about how I would've wanted him to be a ninong for my wedding. I think about how he would always bombard the family emails with news from the Philippines, there'd be so many that I'd read the important ones and delete the rest. Now the family emails have stopped, I guess it died with him.

The more I think, the more I'm amazed at how all the random events from the last few years till now that are coming together. It's like watching a movie or reading a book with a major twist at the end, unless you're super observant you won't figure out how these little things fit into the big picture till the very end. Now I understand why my cousin decided to turn down her company's offer to sponsor her so that she can move back to the Philippines to be with her family. She needed to spend more time with her dad, and now her mom and brother need her more than ever. And Mommy Luming's health scares and surgeries the last two years, as difficult as they were, really pulled the entire family together. It made everybody realize how fleeting our time with each other was, and because of that Tito Jun would come visit more. And my mom's determination to have the house remodeled. It can't be a coincidence that it was finished by my birthday, that Tito Jun happened to be in town, that my parents decided to have a dinner to celebrate, and that it would be the last time we would see him alive. No, I don't believe in coincidences anymore. I am assured of His plan, the divine purpose of all our actions.